Could you be loved, and be loved?….

Quote of the day:

“What you do, the way you think, makes you beautiful.”

-Scott Westerfeld


How many of you wake up look in the mirror on a daily basis and are satisfied with who you are, with how you look? With a growing interest in personal image in today’s society, do you feel that you “fit” into the ever increasing standards? How many of you feel the need or pressure to do whatever it takes to be “attractive”? How many of you would rather be deemed one of the “pretty people” than be deemed not good enough?


I’m not sure how or when the views and ideas of being attractive changed so drastically. I am no stranger to the battle of the dream image and what reality was. It’s never easy accepting what you look like and being happy with yourself as a whole. Now a days, it seems people are never satisfied with their looks, and why should they be with so many ways to “improve” yourself. I have been on both sides of the grass and let me tell you neither side is greener. When I was “heavy” there were so many things that made everyday life unpleasant. Something as simple as getting dressed turned into an emotional battle. Finding something that fit comfortably and looked cute rarely coincided. I always felt uncomfortable dressing womanly because I was heavy. I usually ended up throwing on a baggy shirt and some sweats. Being over weight beyond health issues makes you feel as if you are some sort of circus act and people were always watching, judging.


When I was “skinny” I found some relief but not much. Sure I found it easier to find and fit into clothes. I felt better in the sense I was not worried about my health but found little relief in not feeling like a circus freak. The amount of negative attention I received from men and woman was astonishing. Men wanted nothing more than to sleep with me or make me a trophy girl. Women despised me because I was thinner than they were or because I was friends with boys they dated and or liked. It was hard for me to always shrug off the opinions of others when they were made so very clear. I found that some of my close guy friends only started to talk to me because they wanted to sleep with me. When they found out I’m not the type to sleep around or the type to mix up friends with pleasure they would distance themselves from me. It was not fun feeling like a piece of meat that was hated for no real justifiable reason.


As the years passed and I gained more confidence in who I was a person it was easier to be ok with what my image was. It was also easier to make and keep friends who liked me for me and not what I looked like. I still struggle from time to time I’m not perfect nor do I strive to be. I have come to terms with the fact that I will probably never “fit” into what society thinks I should be, and I am so ok with that! I love who I am as a person and love who I’m growing up to be. Once I let go of all the should-a would-a’s I felt relief and a sort of calm. I know not every one will think I’m attractive and I’m ok with that. I learned that loving yourself and your body is one of the first steps to being confident. You don’t have to be super model skinny to be pretty. You don’t need others approval of what you look like. All you need is to just be happy with who you are. It seems so crazy to me now that I have come through all this to see that it has always been up to me. I really truly feel for everyone who is struggling with this and surprisingly it’s not only women; there are lots of men out there that are just as insecure and unhappy with their appearance. Acceptance of yourself unfortunately is not an over night process, however it is one of the best things you can do for you!


So folks my challenge to you is this: realize that no one is perfect and society does not have all the answers! Really work on accepting what you were blessed with. I think its more than time people start practicing what they preach and that is beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you are not comfortable with yourself, how can anyone else be comfortable with you? Ru Paul said it best (for those of you who aren’t familiar with this person she is a famous drag queen, and yes I said she!) “If you can’t love yourself how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” No truer words have been spoken, so get up off your butt go look and the mirror and tell yourself everyday until you believe it I’m ok, I love myself, and more importantly I’m worth something!!

Thanks for reading,

positively absolutely crazy woman




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